When jokes
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged!
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎
When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?
Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.
Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.
What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?
A walkie-Torquay.
What do you expect when you get out of a bar?
Your mom naked LOLOLOLOL.
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!
When they were going around giving out brains and you thought they were saying "train," so you said, "No thanks, I’ll take the next one!" 🤣