When jokes
Your mama so fat, when she put a leg in the car, the wheels deflated.
Yo mama so fat when she laid on a water bed, she laid on the whole Pacific Ocean.
Whenever you see an orphan taking a selfie, photo bomb him and say, "Family photo!"
When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?
SHUT UP!!!
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
When the autistic kid brings a gun to school and thinks it’s a dart gun.
Yo mama so stupid, when I said, "Go deep," she dug a hole in the field.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?
A school bus full of kids.
Yo mama so fat, when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her and yell "Hey yo, taxi!"
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them.
So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.
Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?
Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.
Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.
Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!
Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.
Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...
NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"