When jokes
You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.
When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.
What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha
Yo mama so fat, when she takes an elevator, it ALWAYS goes down!
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?
Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.
Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.
What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
Dam!
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”