When jokes
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
You know you're high when you hold all your pineapples hostage and yell, "SpongeBob, I know you're in there!"
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.
Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.
Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.
The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰
The best night of my life was when I gave my virginity to my wife, and her last word was when she called me "Mommy" at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.
I hate it when disabled people get bullied...
... because they can't stand up for themselves.
Michael Jackson is happy when there are twenty-eight-year-olds.
What do you get when you cross a shark and a computer? Computer bytes!
What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
When a deaf person is on trial, is it really considered a hearing?
Why was the orphan so famous?
Because when they asked him go big or go home, he only had one option.
I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.
What's the difference between an emo kid and an onion?
You cry when you cut an onion.
Mommy, when will daddy come back?
I'm not your mom...
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."
Yo mama so ugly, when she went to unlock her phone with her face, it said, "disconnected."
Yo mama so fat when I pushed her into the jacuzzi, it caused a level 8 tsunami.
All I can see when I pass Saturn is Uranus because it's so big.