Whats jokes
What is the best part of twenty-one year olds?
There's twenty of them.
The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”
He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says, "moo moo."
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says, "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall you black mother fucke*!"
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?
Memes
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
What do you call a drunken Muslim?
Mohammered.
What do you get when you cross a priest with a toilet?
Holy shit.
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Robetoe.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?
You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.
What is the name of the bear capital?
Koala Lumpur.
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
What do you call a blind German?
A Nazi.
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?
When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
Q: What's an animation similar to Finding Nemo, but the fish has cancer? A: Finding Kemo.