Whats jokes
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?
A small medium at large.
"what's that on your wrist?"
"I'm a cutting board. duh"
From the wise words of my friend, "You ain't a man 'til you had a man."
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
Trump goes to a bar and sees Hillary Clinton. He goes up to her and says, "Buy me a drink." She replies angrily, "Get your own drinks. What kind of a man asks a woman to buy him a drink?" Trump responds, "The kind that will grab you by the p***y."
What do you call the worst feeling ever?
Drinking Big before Mini. :)
Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕
What do orphans get at Xmas?
Lonely.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because there's no home.
What is the difference between an apple tray and an orphan? The apples get picked.
What do you call a white man farting? "British Gas."
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
If you are what you eat, then I’m black.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white...? A dead nun rolling down a hill.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.