Whats jokes
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
Memes
Wouldn’t the person be dead before the strangling starts? Unless Alastor did surgery?
What's the difference between vitiligo and plastic surgery?
Vitiligo doesn't alter facial features.
What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
What do you call a blonde girl standing on her hands?
A brunette with bad breath.
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
What's the time?
How would I know?
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
What's a car's favorite place to hang out?
A CARnival!
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?
Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.
Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.