Whats jokes
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
Charlie Chaplin and Tork Poettschke meet.
Chaplin: "What can I do for you?"
Poettschke: "Please get away from me."
What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?
A joint in each hand.
What's Elizabeth Warren's nickname?
Pocahontas
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
What do Jews and Black people have in common?
Living off welfare checks.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
What is brown and smelly? Is it a fart? Is it a carcass? Wrong, it's a dirty toilet.
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!