Whats jokes
What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?
Leaving, walking.
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite hobby?
Rolling on ice.
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
What was the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
What has two wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone. "Wing Wing Arrow!"
What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.
What’s an orphan’s favorite drink?
Foster’s.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One reads, the other breeds.
What do you call a blowjob in Africa?
Breakfast.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.