Whats jokes
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
What's a fat Mexican woman's favorite movie? Tortanic.
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
What do you call a lesbian vampire?
Cunt Dracula.
What’s an orphan’s favorite drink?
Foster’s.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One reads, the other breeds.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?
Leaving, walking.
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
Charlie Chaplin and Tork Poettschke meet.
Chaplin: "What can I do for you?"
Poettschke: "Please get away from me."
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What's Elizabeth Warren's nickname?
Pocahontas
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
What do you call an Irish lesbian?
A Gaelic.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting them back in the wheelchair.
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.