Whats jokes
Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
What do you call a person in a wheelchair in a burning building?
Hot wheels! 😎
Q: What did the egg do when the bacon told it a joke?
A: It cracked up!
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Life's too short to want it.
What do you call an 18-year-old orphan?
Homeless.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What is Bugs Bunny's favorite dessert?
Chocolate carrots balls.
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.
Me playing a game........ What, did God just stop our hearts because he didn't kill everybody?
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
No matter how big the jar, there is one thing that can never fit inside it. What is it?
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.