Whats jokes
What’s the difference between a kid with cancer and a dark humor joke?
They never get old.
What do you call a Mexican door?
Dora.
9/11 called for help. What did that get? Nothing.
What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?
"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
What do they say when they answer the phone???
What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Disabled.