Whats jokes
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef! XD
Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.
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What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
Hey Gwen! What is a bean's specialty? Being a jerk!
What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.