Whats jokes
What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?
Stephen Hawking.
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
What is the similarity between Hitler and orphans?
They both don't have parents.
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
One was famous for walking on the moon, (pause), the other fucked young boys.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
You know what? I know five fat people, and you're four of them!
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a photo of himself?
A family photo.
What did the pot say to the kettle?
"To lick the spoon."
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
What do you call the worst feeling ever?
Drinking Big before Mini. :)
Me: What do you call a group of retards?
Friend: Down town?
Me: Nope, target practice.
What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?
"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"
Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.
Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.
Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."
Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.
He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.