Whats jokes
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
What is Al-Qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
What war did Africa not win? The water fight.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.