Whats jokes
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.
Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do, child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.
What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
What's an orphan's high school nickname? "Lone Stone."
What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?
"Here Comes The Airplane!"
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?
Tropical depressions.
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.