Whats jokes
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in the military?
Special Forces.
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
What’s the best part about fucking an emo chick?... she's limited edition.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
What is Al-Qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets.