Whats jokes

What goes zzub-zzub?

A bee flying backwards.

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.

You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!

What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.

What do you call a ghost's fart?

A spirit bomb.

What is the most musical part of a chicken?

The drumstick.

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain.

What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun?

Special Forces incoming!

My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.

- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?

- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!

So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: Seeing others happy.

Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?

A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.

What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.

What do you call a group of chubby trans-genders?

Trans-fats.

What do you call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut.

What category of music did JFK like?

You could say he was a metalhead.