Whats jokes
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
What’s a Mexican's favorite game?
Borderlands.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
A: A knife has a point.
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's greatest enemy?
The low ground.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun?
Special Forces incoming!
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
What is the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
What goes zzub-zzub?
A bee flying backwards.
What do EMO kids use as birth control? Their Personalities.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"