Whats jokes
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun?
Special Forces incoming!
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
A: A knife has a point.
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
What is the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's greatest enemy?
The low ground.
What goes zzub-zzub?
A bee flying backwards.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"