Whats jokes

Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?

A: A knife has a point.

What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?

They both spread for bread.

What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!

What goes zzub-zzub?

A bee flying backwards.

What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.

What is the most musical part of a chicken?

The drumstick.

What do you call a ghost's fart?

A spirit bomb.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.

- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?

- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!

So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?

Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: Seeing others happy.

Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?

A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.

What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?

Answer: Assprin.

What do you call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut.

What do you call someone with a pindie spot?

Stop screen recording.