Whats jokes
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
What do you call a scared cow?
A COW-ard.
What do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick?
Fucks funny.
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.
What's something an orphan likes but doesn't have?
A family.
What goes up but never comes down?
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
What's the difference between Christianity and Scientology?
One is accepted as a cult by most people and the other has most people brainwashed.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
What is an orphan's favorite show?
"Family Guy."
What's the difference between a gay man and a hairline?
The hairline is way straighter.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
What do you call a pig in the mud?
A Ky hot brown.
What is an orphan's family tree? A stump.
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.