Whats jokes
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?
A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
What do you call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut.
What is the difference between me and a knife?
The knife has a point.
What category of music did JFK like?
You could say he was a metalhead.
What is the tallest building?
A library 📚
It has the most stories.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise egg.
What do you get when you cross a lesbian that is a feminazi, a lesbian that is a progressive democrat, a promiscuous woman that is a lesbian prostitute working inside a lesbian brothel in San Francisco, California, and one of Jehovah's Witnesses?
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.