Whats jokes
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?
Suicide squad. 😂😂😂
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder.
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
What do you call a mushroom 🍄 with many friends?
A fungi.
What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?
Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. 😁
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!