Whats jokes

Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?

Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.

Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.

Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

A. A seatbelt.

What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?

Craven Morehead.

What do you call a mushroom 🍄 with many friends?

A fungi.

What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?

Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. 😁

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.

What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?

Gotta Go Fast!

What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

"May I push your stool in?"

You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?

Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

⚠️I’m not racist it’s just a joke⚠️

What do you call four black ppl in a sleeping bag?

A Kit Kat

What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun?

Special Forces incoming!

What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?

A byebyesexual.

What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's greatest enemy?

The low ground.

Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?

Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...

Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.

Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?

A: A knife has a point.

What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?

They both spread for bread.

What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...