Wear jokes
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.
What is black and white and sits in a tree?
A fridge wearing a leather jacket! XD
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and smell bad.
My question is, how do fat people fit in tuxedos? Honestly, don’t wear those. Wear your regular clothes. Your belly is just gonna pop out!
Why do brides wear white?
So they match the kitchen appliances.
My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.
Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?
The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.
What's the worst part about getting old?
Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!
What do bananas wear into battle?
Banana-rama!
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
Why doesn't the witch wear panties?
To get a better grip on her broom stick!
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.
Are you wearing a diaper? Because your butt looks so saggy.