Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
Friend: I got bit.
Other friend: By what?
Friend: A dog.
Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)
Q: What do Mexicans love to wear in the air force?
A: Air Force Juans.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.
