Wear jokes
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.
A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"
The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."
What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?
Pant suits.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
If the shoe fits perfectly, why did it fall off?
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.