Why do brides wear white?
So the match the kitchen appliances
my jacket tore a little bit. it's a ripper.
why do men sag there pants so low and still wear a belt
the same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay
What's the worst part about getting old?
Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!
What do bananas wear into battle?
Banana-rama!
Why do cows wear bells
Because their horns don’t work
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
Why doesn't the witch wear panties?
To get a better grip on her broom stick!
what do cheetahs wear to work they can't change because cheetahs cant change there spots
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?: She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff; they found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.
Are you wearing a diaper Because your butt looks so saggy
What do you call a dog wearing a beret? Smeargle!
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
Kid -dad I want santa to give me iphone Indian poor dad- son santa is deaf Kid-no he is not I saw him on Tv yesterday Indian poor dad-oh actually I asked him to for a new wife may be he is wearing AirPods Kid-you are my santa daddy Indian poor dad- pull down you pants son Kid-it's not apple product Indian poor dad -its banana
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
