Water jokes

The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.

The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

What is an army member's top drink?

WARter.

A scientist discovered water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.

I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.

Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?

To keep its nuts dry.

Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!

Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!

What do you call a fish without eyes?

A fsh.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...

Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.

Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.

What was the African kid with water called...? The lucky one. 😭😭

Do depressed people hate swimming?

They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.

Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

What comes up on small oceans? Microwaves.

For every blonde in the world,

scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.

What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.