What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
Water Jokes
What did Sally say when she was stuck in the water with kelp?
"I need kelp! KELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
I got caught peeing in the pool.
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!
Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
Why do hackers in Africa have hard times dealing with firewalls?
They don't have water.
Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesn’t give in to pier pressure.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
What is yellow and does not float well?
A school bus.
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
