Water jokes

Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.

Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.

Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."

What did the icicle say to the snow?

"Why do you have to be so soft?"

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."

Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?

You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.

Why do hackers in Africa have hard times dealing with firewalls?

They don't have water.

How do fish get high?

Because they eat seaweed.

Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:

Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).

Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.

Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?

They both sprout water.

On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.

What is a dry swimmer?

Not in the water...

What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.

What is the opposite of salt water?

Pepper water.

Why did the glacier send the iceberg to college?

Because, in order for ice to exist, it must retain a temperature of less than... ZERO DEGREES at the atomic level!

What did the two oceans say to each other?

Nothing. They just waved.

Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?

Osmoses.