Water

Water jokes

Card

    • One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

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    • Bark

    • Riddles not jokes.

    What has 4 legs but cannot walk?

    What has bark but no bite?

    There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?

    What has holes but can carry water?

    What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?

    What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?

    What can you catch but not throw?

    And last one:

    What can rule, but not command?

    Tell me the answers in the comments.

    Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/

    One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.

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    • Water memes

    Titanic

    • (everyone on Titanic) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, the ship will sink!!!!

    (person washing hands) I'm using the sink, wait your turn!!!!!

    (all crew members laugh) Hahahhahahahahah.

  • 0

    • Tube

    • So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

    Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

    At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

    While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that."

    So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

    Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

    Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

    Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.

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    • Incest

    • Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack was surprised to see she had different eyes, and that’s when he realized... Jack had fucked Jill’s daughter.

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    • Swimming

    • Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

  • 0

    • Year

    • It was the year 1912. I was in the SS Titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"

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    • Cat

    • There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!

    Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!

    This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.

    Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,

    He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!

    I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!

    Meanwhile...

    there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....

    Easy pickings...

    Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,

    DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!

    Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie

    The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...

    LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...

    every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)

    WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx

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