Water jokes
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
What's a current's favorite juice?
Black "current"!
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.
It was a breathtaking experience.
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
Q: What do you call a tsunami?
A: Your mom's water breaking.
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
How do you make holy water?
You take it to church ⛪️
What did the beaver say when it hit the wall?
Dam!
If water makes you laugh, then jokes make you pee.
What happens when you throw water on Stephen Hawking?
He says, "Oh fuck fuck fuck!"
I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"
The optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The feminist thinks the glass is raping them.
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.