Water jokes
What has 30 legs but can't swim?
A bus full of children!
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
Why can't you get water in the North Pole?
Because there is no well.
I want to di... dive! Yeah!
What is the worst tool to play when playing the game “Icebreaker”?
The Titanic.
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.
WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Frankey.
How do you get a million fowl?
You run through Africa with a bullet of water.
What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!
What was the African kid with water called...? The lucky one. 😭😭
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.
Annabeth: "Percy, whaters up with you?"
What do you call a kid in a hot tub?
Vegetable soup.
Do depressed people hate swimming?
They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.
I went for a swim in the river that crosses Mexico, and I saw a Mexican, aka a wetback, swimming across. I asked, and he said, "I'm a wetback."