Water jokes
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.
Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?
I said to the fish, "I have dam."
What the hell dam, hell dam?
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
What do you call a white bucket?
A pail.
The "W" in Africa stands for water.
How do you cause an African parade?
You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?
The cheetah became spotless!
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
What's the difference between white people and Africans?.... The white people get water.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
What is a fish without i's?
Fsh.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."