Want jokes

I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.

A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.

They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

An outlaw is wanted.

If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..

What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?

If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.

A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.

Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.

Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

What is the most popular game at the orphanage?

Need For Speed: Most Wanted.

Why did Hitler kill himself?

He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

Want to hear a joke about milk? No, it's too cheesy.

Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".