Want jokes

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.

Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

An outlaw is wanted.

Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.

What is the most popular game at the orphanage?

Need For Speed: Most Wanted.

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

Why did Hitler kill himself?

He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.

What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?

If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.

So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."

For all of my musicians out there!

Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.