Want jokes
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
Want to hear an inside joke? I walked into a house. Want to hear an outside joke? I walked out of that house.
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
What did the hairdresser say to the power line?
"Want a power cut?"
The north tower wanted some salted fries at Burger King.
They were plane as usual.
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
By the way, this isn't a joke or a poem. I just want to say, please check out Gwen's puns. They're good!
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
Are you a toaster, because I want to have a bath with you.
One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"
The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"
And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"
The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"
Johnny replied with, "OK."
Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"
I wasn't gonna tell another Epstein joke but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
Why did the Twin Towers order from Just Eat?
They wanted some plane fries.
Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be water melon.
Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.
Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?
They actually can call someone "daddy!"
Wanted to get the scoop on history of ice cream, so I went to Sunday school.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
You want to hear a 9/11 joke?
I bet they did too!
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."