Want jokes

Want to hear a joke?

Fortnite.

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."

His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"

If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:

https://schlechtewitze.com

Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?

Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.

Why did the skeleton want a friend? He was feeling bonely.

The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?

Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.

Why can't orphans have a five-star GTA because they're not wanted?

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.

Feminists: Correct.

Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.

A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"

The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂