Want jokes

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

Why did your friend eat the burger?

Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!

Not really. He was just hungry.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."

What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.

Why did the monster 🧟‍♀️ put the cook in a bowl?

He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂

I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?

People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.

In a white van.

Why are orphans whores?

Because they want a sugar daddy. 🙃

Q: Why did the cow touch an electric fence?

A: Because it wanted to get electrocowted! 🐄

Why do orphans play GTA?

To make them feel wanted.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a sugar donut?

People want donuts.

What do people with cancer always want to watch?

"Finding Chemo."

Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.

Why did the zebra cross the road?

Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.

What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"