Want jokes
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
Why did the rapper sit on the clock?
He wanted to keep it real with TIME.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
Why did the rapper start gardening?
He wanted to get more ROOTS in his rhymes.
Why don't rappers use the subway?
Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.
A black lady goes inside the drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you carry tampons?" Then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "Do you want the mini pads or the maxi pads?"
And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"
And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"
And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Do you want to be in Heaven with Jesus, our savior, or be on Earth with bad things?
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?
Why did the rapper climb a ladder during his performance?
He wanted to take his career to the NEXT LEVEL!
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
Why did the rapper become a pilot?
Because he wanted to take his flow to new heights!
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?
Because he didn't want to get LOST in the FLOW.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because he wanted to ROLL in the DOUGH!
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.
Why did the rapper become a magician?
Because he wanted to drop some ILL-USIONS.