Visit jokes
Why did the football player go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.
I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Why can't white people go to Blackpool? Cuz they're not black.
I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
Girl: Wanna come over to my house?
Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
Where does the killer whale go to get its teeth done?
The orca Don-tist.
What does Batman have that Superman doesn't?
The ability to visit his biological parents' grave.