Visit jokes
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
Yo daddy so stupid, he went to the HO-tel to see some hoes.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't "peeling" well!
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.
The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.
I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
A man walks into a bar... and he never walks out.
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
Why did the tamale go to the hospital?
Tamalito.
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
Why is Santa so fat?
He only comes once a year.
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
Why do orphans always go to church? Because that’s the only place they could call someone "father."
Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a chair, then a table.
The Tupperware people came to our house. They asked my wife, "Where's the kitchen?"
Sorry, I have only lived here for 3 months, but my jewelry is upstairs in my jewelry box located in my bedroom.