Violence jokes
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?
Raped.
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Where do suicide bombers go?... Everywhere.
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.