Vegetable jokes
What did the lettuce say to the carrot?
"Lettuce be friends!"
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in!
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.
Memes
Why do you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
Why did the orange start blushing?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
If 2 vegetables have an argument, it's called beef.
What do you call a broccoli 🥦 when it’s a ghost?
Cauliflower!
What is pedophiles' favorite prey: Vegetables?
I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
I know a baby carrot when I see one.
If Slade were a vegetable, he’d be a BRUSSELS SPROUT... small, bitter, and NOBODY wants him at the table.
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?
"What's the big dill?"
What is an orange cucumber?
A carrot, duh!