Vegetable jokes
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet? Beets stain your teeth.
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
What's the best part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
What do mermaids put in the salads?
Sea cucumber.
Michelle Obama wanted more vegetables in school.
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?
I yam.
What did Michael Scott say to someone when he passed a plate of vegetables?
Boom! Roasted!
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?
A green bean.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?