Vegetable jokes

If Slade were a vegetable, he’d be a BRUSSELS SPROUT... small, bitter, and NOBODY wants him at the table.

What is an orange cucumber?

A carrot, duh!

What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.

What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?

"What's the big dill?"

What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?

Cooking the vegetables.

Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!

What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?

Cauliflower.

I know a baby carrot when I see one.

Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,

Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?

Nothing.

Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?

A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.

What do you do with a frozen vegetable?

You wait for it to thaw.

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

What starts with a "v" and ends with a "k"? A veggie Karen.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.

Why did da tomato blush?! IT SAW THE SALAD DRESSING YUH!

Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?

A. A mixed vegetable.

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?

A. A loaded potato.