Vegetable jokes

I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.

What is an orange cucumber?

A carrot, duh!

Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!

What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?

"What's the big dill?"

What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.

What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?

Cooking the vegetables.

If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?

If Slade were a vegetable, he’d be a BRUSSELS SPROUT... small, bitter, and NOBODY wants him at the table.

What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?

Cauliflower.

I know a baby carrot when I see one.

Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,

Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?

Nothing.

Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?

A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.

What do you do with a frozen vegetable?

You wait for it to thaw.

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

What starts with a "v" and ends with a "k"? A veggie Karen.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.

Why did da tomato blush?! IT SAW THE SALAD DRESSING YUH!

What did the tomato say to the other tomato?