Vegetable jokes
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?
"What's the big dill?"
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
What is an orange cucumber?
A carrot, duh!
What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?
Cooking the vegetables.
Memes
Do NOT buy a tomato EVER again
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,
Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop an onion.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
What do you do with a frozen vegetable?
You wait for it to thaw.
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
What starts with a "v" and ends with a "k"? A veggie Karen.
What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.
Why did da tomato blush?! IT SAW THE SALAD DRESSING YUH!
Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?
A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?
A. A mixed vegetable.
Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.