Vegetable jokes
What do you call a broccoli 🥦 when it’s a ghost?
Cauliflower!
If 2 vegetables have an argument, it's called beef.
What is pedophiles' favorite prey: Vegetables?
I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Do NOT buy a tomato EVER again
If Slade were a vegetable, he’d be a BRUSSELS SPROUT... small, bitter, and NOBODY wants him at the table.
I know a baby carrot when I see one.
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?
"What's the big dill?"
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
What is an orange cucumber?
A carrot, duh!
What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?
Cooking the vegetables.
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
What do you call a pool full of disabled people?
Vegetable soup.
Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,
Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop an onion.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.