Vegetable jokes
What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?
"What's the big dill?"
What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?
Cooking the vegetables.
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
I know a baby carrot when I see one.
What is an orange cucumber?
A carrot, duh!
Memes
Do NOT buy a tomato EVER again
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
If Slade were a vegetable, he’d be a BRUSSELS SPROUT... small, bitter, and NOBODY wants him at the table.
Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,
Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop an onion.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
What do you do with a frozen vegetable?
You wait for it to thaw.
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
What starts with a "v" and ends with a "k"? A veggie Karen.
What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.
Why did da tomato blush?! IT SAW THE SALAD DRESSING YUH!
Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?
A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.
What is a cannibal's favorite vegetable?
- Ladies' Finger
What did the tomato say to the other tomato?
When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!
Try with a cucumber.