Vegetable jokes
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ketchup.
Ketchup who?
Ketchup my slow tomatoes! 🍅😂
Q: What's 1+1? 2+2? 4+4? 8+8? Name a vegetable.
A: Carrot 🥕
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
What do you call a broccoli 🥦 when it’s a ghost?
Cauliflower!
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
Spinach
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
Seizure salad.
I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?
A vegetable rack.
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.