Vegetable jokes

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

Why should you put an autistic person in a refrigerator?

Because otherwise you’ll get a rotten vegetable.

(Not meant to be triggering).

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!

What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?

A vegetable rack.

Normal Europe: Oh no, I lost my iPhone!

Amish: Oh no, I lost my potato!

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

When I said I wanted vegetable stew, I didn’t mean boil Stephen Hawking!

It looks like a runner bean, only smaller.

From the makers of Mangeone...

What do you call a eatable door?

- Coriander 😂

Why is there A/C in hospitals?

So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.

What has two wheels and goes really fast?

A vegetable down a hill.

What's long and hard and has c*m in the middle? Cucumber. What were you thinking?

What is the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.

What do you call a flooded hospital?

Vegetable soup.

Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!

Fruit, vegetables, my arms.

If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.

If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.