Vegetable jokes
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.
What do you call a flooded hospital?
Vegetable soup.
Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
Pickled carrots.
Did you hear about the famous pickle?
He was a big dill!
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
Wanna hear a joke about corn?
Never mind, it's too corny.
What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?
I yam.
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.
Mushroom?
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
What happened when the corn got scolded? He got an earful!
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?
To put the wheelchair in the pot.
What is a carrot's favorite shop?
The wheelchair store.