What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.
I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions.
Onions was a good dog.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
