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Incest

    • Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

    Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

    Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.

    But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.

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    • Canoe

    • A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

    One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

    The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

    The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

    And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

    The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

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    • Use memes

    Nun

    • A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

    Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

    However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

    She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

    The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

    "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

    So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

    After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

    She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

    "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

    "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

    "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

    Now, how about that drink?

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    • Toy

    • I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

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    • Orphan

    • Why do orphans use water for their cereal?

    Because their dad never came back with the milk.

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    • Friendship

    • When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

    Mom

    • Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?

    Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.

    || 20 YEARS LATER ||

    Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?

    Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.

    Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.

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