Use jokes

I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.

Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?

Mr. Mime!

Why do tryhards use Fennecs? It looks better than the Octane.

What games do monks play a lot?

Among Us.

How do you trap a shape? You use a trapezoid.

Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.

Clarissa is here with us.

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

I met a fat chick at the beach.

People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?

Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.

There used to be Wonder Woman.

Now we wonder, what is a woman?

It's always the little things that make us laugh.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?

A hypoteNUSE!

You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?