Why do orphans use Samsung?
Because iPhones have home buttons.
Use Jokes
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?
People actually have a use for one of them.
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"
How do you talk to giants? Using big words.
I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
Why do tryhards use Fennecs? It looks better than the Octane.
What games do monks play a lot?
Among Us.
How do you trap a shape? You use a trapezoid.
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Clarissa is here with us.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
