Use jokes

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: I don't know why.

Man: Because they have a family plan.

Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

How do you trap a shape? You use a trapezoid.

I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.

Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.

What games do monks play a lot?

Among Us.

Clarissa is here with us.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Snow.

Snow who?

Snow use, you wouldn't get it.

A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle.

We are anonymous because none of us are as cruel as all of us.

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?

A hypoteNUSE!

It's always the little things that make us laugh.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?

They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.

Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.