Use jokes
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
Daddy, good morning, please, I want too, but Davido's second-hand towel is 2.5 million.
What is more used than plastic?
Hookers.
A girl named Kariah was at a night club. She was twerking and shaking, but she was just there for fun with her friends until some guy named Jaden came up to her and started flirting with her.
Jaden: WOW Girl!
Kariah: What?
Jaden: It's just that a sexy girl like you should be having sex, not begging for sex!
Kariah: Okay, listen pimp, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you around me one bit!
Jaden grabbed her hips with such FORCE!
Jaden: Come on, let's go somewhere...private! And have a good time, a fun time!
Kariah slapped him and left the night club, telling her friends she was gone, leaving a tip for the drinks she bought.
Daina: Hey, what's wrong?
Mary: Yeah!
Greg: Sweetie...tell us.
Ariana: Come on...did someone try to touch you in a weird way?!
Kariah wanted to tell them but couldn't; it was too personal.
Kariah: Uh I have to go...it's way passed my curfew! Love you!
Kariah sighed and waited for a cab down by Heyo street. Then a cab man started dirty talking her...DIRTY!
Cab man: Hey, sexy lady! Where are you going?...need a...wow...whoohoo...dang...ride?
Kariah rolled her eyes then stuck her tongue out at the cab man. This fucking cab men said this.
Cab man: Ooooo...use that for the sex!
Kariah: I don't think so!
Cab man: ha uh ha... I see the way your looking at me I know you like me!
Kariah walks away from him and finds another cab, but the cab man did not take her mean talk and weird silents for an answer. Instead, the cab man got out of his "Cab" and harrowed around her.
Cab man: HEY WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING!?
Kariah: TO MY KIDS AND MY HUSBAN! SO GET LOST BITCH!!!!
You see Kariah was married, she just came to be with her friends at a night club. Cab man gets close to her so she ran...she ran as fast as she could till she tripped on her high heels, once the cab man got close to her he picked her up...I think you know what he did okay I'll tell you. Cab man picked her up and took her back to the cab a.k.a taxi of course she was not gonna give up without a fight...will she gave up!
Cab man: I know ya like me! I just know it! You dressed up in a hoochie and sluty dress for nothing will wrong you LIKE ME maybe love if we get lucky!
He drove her to his house and then took off his cloths "underware included" got on top of her and "Rape was born again". Kariah did not remember a thing that night only that she was forced agianst her will too will have "S.E.X"
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.
The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.
Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!
Yo mama so [full of] kidney stones Thanos used them for his gauntlet.
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!
I made a house for orphans and...
they had no clue how to use it.
There’s a noticeable difference between using polish to remove grease and using Polish to remove Greece.
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
What operating system do Indian scammers use?
"Window licker XP."
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...
Then we took an Arab to the knee.
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.