Use jokes
Helen Keller can use Hodled's words because they are so bad.
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?
He used a bus.
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Why did the Indian man refuse to use deodorant? Because he wanted to smell like his natural habitat, the shitter.
Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.
What do people use more than you that is yours?
How do butts communicate?
By using CRACK-BERRIES!
Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.
What do stomata use to fill their pools?
Chlor-ine.
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.
Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.
Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.
I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."
Me: "What are you doing??"
Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"
Me: "I don't know."
Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"
Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"
Don't bully kids.
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
Alright, so I have a few orphan jokes. I'm gonna put them all in one message.
Why can't orphans be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans go on a field trip? Parent signature: ______
New teacher: I used to be an orphan as a kid. Students: hahaha Teacher: Is anyone missing? Students: No one, just your parents.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They kept calling everyone "daddy."
Why do orphans have the iPhoneX? Because it has no home button.