Ups jokes
Why does Hitler hate golf?
He would end up in a bunker!
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.
Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't wanna hang out.
An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?
What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!
Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!
The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
What goes up and down but stays in the same place?
Stairs.
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻