Ups Jokes

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored I draw on my hands with pen, well this guy walks up to me and says “ you know I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself” and so without thinking I said “ well I’ve already got those so I think I’m fine.... 😳he looked concerned. Oops lol

One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

If Silver Glider and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!

People trying too stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”

Me: “WOW I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT”

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one. But I also think I screwed it up.

GO ON THE QUINTILLIONAIRE MORNING ROUTINE NOW!

1. Wake up 2. Take a shit 3. Eat 4. Get out of bed 5. Have breakfast

Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination". I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.

Pick up lines

One fish two fish three fish I’m breaking up with you bich Hey there little mister I’m dating your sister

jimmy does stand up comedy he says “what do you call an orangutang”

jake replies “YOU” then everyone including the teacher laughs jimmy cries

LOL

what do you call a stand up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?????????????

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

a man walks up to lil johnny one day and asks if you had one wish but that wish will be granted to everyone on earth so the lil johnny thinks real hard and long then said well i would wish for me to shit my self and the man is shocked and asks why and lil johnny reply's well i would be on the toilet i thing everyone else would just be confused