Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!
- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!
Better than Elanga?
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.
I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
Been watching Smackdown DVDs, and I'm so erect right now. I'm so bricked up.
Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.
People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”
