Ups

Ups jokes

Teddy Bear

    • Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

    She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

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    • Quote

    • Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...

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    • Train

    • I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."

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    • Rapper

    • Why was the rapper always in shape?

    Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!

    Child

    • Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

    Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

    Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

    Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

    Patch

    • Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.

    “Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"

    “Yes," replied Hodja.

    “Which way did it go?" demanded the man.

    Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.

    The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.

    “No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"

    “I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."

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