Ups jokes
So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!
What's so special about Palestinian sex dolls?
They blow themselves up.
Why did the rapper take up gardening?
Because they wanted to GROW their FLOW.
How do you know if a rapper is lying?
His rhymes don't add up.
"BlessedBrian" is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads him, but somehow he KEEPS SHOWING UP.
I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
What did the rapper say to his microwave?
"Yo, heat it up, fam!"
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he was always COOKING UP RHYMES!
Why did the rapper oil up his notepad?
In case he needed to DROP some FREESTYLE NOTES!
What did the rapper say to the SANDWICH?
"Wrap it up!"
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
What did the rapper say to his shoes?
"You better lace up!"
"What do you want to eat?"
"You choose."
"Children."
"What?"
*Picks up pot*
"You said anything!"
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.