Uncle jokes
Q) Why did the uncle sleep with his own nephew?
A) Cuz the boy wouldn't stop talking about Donald Trump every single weekend.
My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
What does my uncle call a school?
A strip club.
My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
My uncle can't walk straight. I think it's because he's gay.
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"
My uncle died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?
One didn't go in the closet.
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.